冬至未至 --- winter sonata

此文目的如题

当今天在MPH四点四十五到来的那一刻，一种彻底解脱的快感油然而生。虽然最后一题还是没写完，但是这一切都无所谓了。

两年的econ征程就这样结束了。

可以说，在rjc的这两年，econ是最煎熬的。

从第一次考试开始，一直到prelim之前，永远都在及格线周围徘徊。一是由于我天生对文科很脑残，二是因为我不会像local那样mug。

不过我已经尽力了。

两年里，对econ已经绝望的够多了，所以到最后也就无所谓了。

感谢上帝，prelim时econ拿到了C，已经是历史最好成绩了。

这次A level也没抱太大希望，毕竟两年的阴影不是靠一次prelim就挥之过去的。能pass就行了。

总之，

以后再也不会学econ了

以后再也不会考econ了

以后再也不会在考场上拼了死命写那永远也写不完的题了

以后再也不会对econ绝望了

至少，

知道了自己的弱点

知道了喜欢的东西不一定擅长

如果再让我重新选一次科，还是会选econ

不仅是因为，geo在rv时就让我恶心了，hist没有功底，eng lit那是不属于我的世界

更是因为，econ这个词对我的魅力从未减退

终究，

就这样结束了。


“之所以淡漠，是把一切都看破”                              

the end of oxford interview, the end of october

summary of oxford interview:
1. questions r easier than expected
2. admin teacher is a pretty loli
3. interview teacher is damn friendly (40yrs in oxford alr...)

conclusion on my performance:
1. super relaxed
2. solved most of the problems
3. got stuck on one question

what's next?
1. 100% focus on A level
2. dun neglect the oxford written test

life goes on
have a peaceful mindset

by schedule, in time,
pick up what i lost
stride to what i could
saw the wonderful
see the possible.

//i am the legend//

Task 1 : Prelim exam
Objective No.X : get 0.5 marks
status: objective completed
           task finished

Task 2 : SAT 2
status: in process

Task 3 : Common application
status: in process

Task 4 : Oxford interview
status: in process

...
...
...

Game on.

It's a blue sky
It's a blue day
I say: I were in front of you.
You say: I am in front of you.
I say: not tomorrow.
You say: not today.

dream again - another person bowing to me. Am i wanting to be such a dictator?
maybe i juz think too much.

i do think too much actually, now.
when the distance between nine and ten on the clock is segregated into a ratio of 1:3 on the morning of 25th September, i know my prelim is over, i know i will never do any more paper with a Raffles Crest printing on it and i know my rjc life and my singapore life is going to end.
singapore, such a glare and scorching word, will definitely be inscribed on my heart in the following decades. many wonderful people have i encountered, many dear friends have i made with. singapore has cast on me a magic of benediction. please forgive me for my imprudence and frivolity, coz i am not used to receive such a gift.
nonetheless, the vicissitude is unavoidable - the brutal crusade has started. a commonplace but unique odyssey for everyone, uni application, champions the priority list of my current life. i am still limping; maybe i shall still take another medical surgery to enable me to jog, to run and to surpass.

-"I'm still so weak."
-"So become stronger."

see me fly! i need to use more strength.

人是应该学会放弃的。
但是放弃到一定程度就够了，
还是有许多东西是要争取的。

here again.
my body temperature seems a bit high now(which is 37.1!!!), and my experience told me it would likely to go up further.
hope not.i dun want to be quarantined at this point of time.
anyway, because of my body condition, i have no mood, no energy and no incentive to do anything but to write something stupid here.
it has been 2 weeks since the CT2 was over. the results are indeed horrible, especially gp and econ. well, as i always told myself, the essential point is to find out what the problem is. however, what makes me extremely upset is that up to today, i still have no idea how to study econ. i really don't know what part of my answer went wrong and how should i correct it. unable to find the cause of the problem, i felt rather helpless and hopeless to continue studying this subject which i was originally passionate about.
nonetheless, it's not my style to give up. what i can do now is to wait for the distribution of econ's post-mortem so that i can compare the correct answer with mime. at the same time, i shall read more sample essays and practise more.
however, i am still not confident enough, not sure whether these strategies work or not.
just keep on.

After O-level, while I was considering which cca should I join if I was going to rjc. When I browsed through the rjc website, I amazingly found out that rjco had clinched gold award in the previous syf because my stereotype was that the Chinese orchestra in an English school would not be a good one. So I decided to continue my co life in jc.

 

Amazing, is the word which can be used to best describe my rjco life. The first time I stepped into the co room, I could only find around 10 j2 seniors based on the uniforms they wore. At that moment I really could not believe this is an ‘orchestra’ since in rvco there were about 30-40 members for each level. After that, despite the pitiful number of j2 members, I was shocked that almost every one of them was so professional at playing the instruments. It was actually a small group of musical elites. I had to admit that I had never imagined there were so many pro people in an English-based school co.

 

Anyway, everything was so well-done in the first year. Despite the damn successful concert ‘Mi’, those small-scale performances in the second half year were also very enjoyable with the excellent showcase of our student conductor Zhao Shuohan. Yes, a Grade 10 erhu master and my steadfast companion in the co arena, Zhao Shuohan has helped me a lot in improving my basic music skills. Thanks to his teaching, I have become much more knowledgeable about Chinese music than before. Moreover, our bloody random chatting has always kept the apparently boring co practices interesting.

 

However, ‘Lu Yao Zhi Ma li, Ri Jiu Jian Ren Xin’, despite all the happiness in the first year, the second year became a total disappointment. Under the pressure of syf, rjco became so vulnerable. I have discussed the problems in detail in my previous entries, so I won’t describe them again here. I just could not believe that a once hopeful orchestra could become so separated and blighted. Because of someone, my passion has terribly diminished and at times I could not bear to play with such idiots together. The co in the year of 2009 is a tragedy. It was such an elegy that I could not even dare to sing. The whole orchestra has been driven into an abyss that it can hardly get out. The gold award in syf was just an illusion. And together with the concert, they tried to divert people’s attention and covered all the internal conflicts, just like the role of the war in the past. Moreover, who says the concert is successful? What do you think the quality of the concert will be if the orchestra has only practiced for two weeks? All the things happened in 2009 are so ridiculous and asinine. I can’t imagine my co life just ended in such situation…….

------------------------------------

Ok let’s forget it.

 

Anyway co has become a history to me. Maybe my erhu will be submerged in the ashes of time, gradually. However, my co and my erhu will remain as a key element in my entire life.

 

Someone says, life is like a dream; when u wake up, nothing has actually existed.

 

Maybe co is also a dream. But I will never wake up.

传说中的神兽

神兽中的传说

zzh was here

However, as I was promoted to primary 6, due the pressure from studying and preparation for secondary school entry exam, I finally decided to quit this beloved co. Moreover, because the difficulty level of erhu solo piece increased as I progressed, more time had to be devoted to practice a single song and this made me very frustrated. Hence, due to the increasing boredom, I vowed to myself that I dun want to learn and play erhu any more in my life.

 

Thus, for the three years of my junior secondary school life in China, I seldom touched my erhu again. The images of co had more and more obscure in my mind. Even before I came to Singapore, I have decided to join choir instead co, firmly.

 

It is true that I love singing much more than playing erhu. However, after watching river valley’s 50^th anniversary celebration performance, my mind changed completely. I am not saying that I started to hate singing, but I just dun like the songs the choir sang. Firstly, many of its songs were in foreign languages (excluding English here), and I could not understand them. My principle was and IS that if u cannot understand the language, cannot understand what u are singing about, u are not going to sing beautifully. Secondly, I HATE the styles of most of the songs. I was not moved, inspired or excited when I heard the music, and I totally could not figure what the choir was trying to express. Hence, after I joined choir for only one week, I quitted.

 

So I joined rvco. The main reason was that its performance in the anniversary celebration rekindled my love for the traditional Chinese music. The two songs rvco showcased—Huan Qin and An Hui Min Ge Zhu Ti Sui Xiang Qu were so moving and I could not resist playing them on my own. Hence I stepped into the co room immediately after I quitted choir.

 

Since I hadn’t played erhu for more than three years, I had forgotten many of the basic skills and my hearing ability was almost zero. The first song I played in rvco was named Wu Ti (VI), which is in B flat for many parts of the song. It took me quite a long time (one or two month probably) to refresh all my past memories and catch up with my previous standard so that I am able to play this song. Honestly, the first month in rvco was disastrous for me, for my yinzhun really sucked. Thanks to my sectional teacher Ms Wang Yiren, who was from Taiwan and helped me a lot in improving my basic skills, I was able to follow all the dazu practices.

 

There weren’t many performances in sec 3, the only huge performing task for rvco was the Speech Day performance. The song chosen was Long Teng Hu Yue. It was a quite exciting piece and I was really obsessed with our percussion members’ imba skills. I still remember the few days before the Speech Day, every performing arts groups were training rigorously until it was very late at night. Though it was very exhaustive, I really enjoyed in playing the music. Moreover, thanks to Wang Lixian, my dear co-mate and friend who accompanied me through all the vicissitudes in co training.

 

However, co was not all about to enjoy, it was also about to dedicate and to fight. Before I came to Singapore, I had never known the so-called SYF was such an important event to a secondary school Chinese orchestra. Especially in river valley high, huge amount of effort would be put in each year to maintain and improve the standards of all the performing arts groups. Gold with honours is a must for everyone. However, since in 2005 rvco only got a gold, huge pressure was heaped upon us and we had to win the GWH back. Hence, from the beginning of the 2^nd semester of my sec3, we have started playing our choice piece – An Hui Min Ge Zhu Ti Sui Xiang. For my local co-mates, they had started playing this song more than one year ago and they had already performed once during the school’s 50^th anniversary celebration. However, I had to start from zero and some parts of the song were really challenges for me. The difficulty here was not the song was too hard for me to play, but there was an imminent first round selection for SYF and there wasn’t enough time for me to master the whole score. Especially for the kuai ban part, the fingering was damn uncomfortable and I seriously could not play it well after many exercises. Hence, expectedly, I screwed up the kuai ban part during the selection test. I was really disheartened at that time and feared that I would not be able to perform for SYF. However, co is always a place Where Amazing Happens. When our president announced the names of the selected people, I was aghast to find that my name was in the list! When I received the so-called result slip, on which our conductors wrote comments about the performance in the selection test, I scored 76 (which was about the average score) and my other parts except the kuai ban seemed ok. This result greatly encouraged me and I swore that I would master the kuai ban no matter how hard it was.

 

During the practice, I also started to find out how professional our conductor Mr Lum Yan Sing was. He was extremely strict on how the music should be performed. Every crescendo and diminuendo, every forte and piano, and every notes had to be performed very clearly. Those who tried to Hun Shui Mo Yu would not be allowed to perform for SYF. He required every sectional teacher must be responsible in teaching the students and those who were too busy to teach would be fired immediately. Before SYF he went down to every section to ensure everyone was practicing in the right direction. I really appreciated his high standard and effective ways in pursuing music.

 

Because of everyone’s hard work, the practices in the year of 2007 went on well. The kuai ban part was no longer a challenge to me and we played better and better each time. Even for the damn lousy set piece, “Jian Kuai De Liang Feng”, we were able to transform it into a beautiful song. What about our choice piece? I were Just moved each time we played it.

 

When the day of SYF arrived, I didn’t feel nervous at all. Firstly, based on our daily progress, rvco was ready to clinch the highest honour; secondly, playing on stage was and is always an enjoyment to me. I still remembered that was a Wednesday morning. I got up at about 5 plus and our teacher-in-charge Mr. Lim was already waiting outside my hostel to send us scholars to the school by his private car, for there was no bus service at that time. After that, we proceeded by schedule. There was no need to comment on our performance on that day; it was just extraordinary! My ‘detailed’ feelings can be found in my blog entry two years ago… After all, when our CCA teacher-in-charge announced to the whole school that we had won BACK the GWH, the whole school became boisterous. And this also marked the end of my 1.5-year rvco life.

 

What I have learnt in rvco was that if u want to achieve success, u must strive hard for it. Even though there were not too many pro players in rvco in my batch, we dared to put in our effort to become professional in the end. A successful co is not about how many pro people it has, but about how many stupid morons there were. And I can proudly say that in my batch the number of morons in rvco is zero. Then how to judge whether we are producing wonderful music? Move urself to tears first.

 

To Be Continued...

传说中的神兽

神兽中的传说

zzh was here...